Saturday, May 2, 2009

Tertia's Book Shower

This is my first time participating in an online book club! I hope I do it right! (The directions and everything can be found on Stirrup Queens.) First and foremost: Congratulations to Tertia! Publishing is an awesome accomplishment!!

I had been following Mel for a couple of weeks, when she announced that you could purchase So Close (buy it here) written by a fellow infertile (see her blog here). She was so enthusiastic and since I was already ordering from Amazon, that I impulsively added it to my cart.

The book arrived and I devoured it in a couple of hours. It came to me at a time when I was just starting to realize that I wasn't alone in the infertility mess. There were others out there who knew about that world too. Not only that, but some of them could even relate to the horribleness of loss after the 1st trimester. Tertia was one of them. As I read her story, I laughed with her, panicked with her, and cried with her. Mostly, I was thrilled to rejoice with her in her positive ending. It gives me hope that after all I have been through, I, too, can end up with my dream fulfilled.

Throughout so much of the book, I found myself nodding. At parts I even shouted "YES! That IS how it is!" (To which my husband would sleepily say, "Why are you still reading?? Turn out the light!" I would hush him right back to sleep and go on reading.) It's amazing to see in print things that I've never been able to properly express and thought I was the only one experiencing. It was very cathartic. It made me feel not so alone.

There were two sections of the story that stand out so vividly for me even after a month, mostly for their bleakness and sadness. The first was Tertia dealing with her ectopic (pg71-73) and the second was the reduction (pg113). It's interesting to me that it wasn't the loss of Luke and Ben, which is something I could actually relate to, that stayed with me, but rather the experiences that I fear could come to pass that I remember. What sections stand out for you?

*** Mel's Question 4: Tertia has an urge to chat with the others in her clinic waiting room. Do you ever wish people would break into spontaneous, supportive conversation? Describe your ideal waiting room.

This was so funny to me because I'm always the one who talks to others or has no problem returning (or starting) conversation in waiting rooms or buses or restaurants, and yet, this question made me recoil in horror. (Which I remember doing when I read the section in Tertia's book too!) Only once has someone spoken to me in my waiting room and I was totally freaked out by it! It was some one's mom, and when my name was called for blood work, she told me that the lady was quick and competent. Now, this was a very nice thing to say, but I was completely weirded out by the fact that she was talking to me! It's against the etiquette! We sit around numbly and watch the tv or read... If you happen to bring someone with you, you only talk in whispers so that others can't hear. Why? I don't know, but that is how I like it! I'm not going to lie, I do speculate about the others in the waiting room. We are labelled by our folders (red = IVF and blue = IUI) and I wonder about their stories. Sometimes I wonder if any of my 'friends' from the cyber world are there too... But I've never wanted to strike up a conversation... Actually, that's not completely true. There was one time I spoke out loud. It was when the octo-mom controversy was raging and her damn interview came on the tv in the waiting. There was a rumbling of muttering and I said something to the effect of "Oh the irony of seeing this here when I've avoided it everywhere else" which was met by nods as we all proceeded to settle back into our books/magazines/blank stares.

My idea of a perfect waiting room? I can't even come up with an image... Because if anything in this world were 'perfect' not one of us would need this waiting room ever. May we all be out of them soon!


  1. I too had "yes!" moments while reading the book. Some sections that come to mind are those in which Tertia explored her feelings of anger towards God. I appreciated her honesty, and I think many of us identify with what she wrote.

  2. Mel's book club was a major reason why I started blogging. : ) I think two things stood out for me -- first, just the amazing amount of stuff that Tertia has been through (not to mention her grit & determination to overcome them) -- you name it, she's probably been through it. And second, her posts about her grief over the loss of Ben, which I could totally relate to as a fellow bereaved mother.

    I never had too much to say in the waiting rooms... but there was sometimes some chatter as we all stood in line in our hospital gowns, waiting for our morning ultrasounds. The radio was usually on, & this was around the time that Celine Dion was talking about her own IVF experiences. I remember saying (& everyone else nodding), "I'll bet SHE never had to stand in a lineup with her bare butt hanging out of her gown!" lol

  3. That's fascinating that you're labeled by your folders - red for IVF, blue for IUI... that's a clear HIPAA violation. Is it sick that that's the first thing I thought of? Heh.

    Good luck, btw, on your upcoming beta. I'll check back in on you to see how it goes.

  4. that is crazy that was your first thought ms perky! i've been living with it for a year and never looked at it that way... but you are totally right! you don't actually have to carry your papers in those folders (i don't anymore) but many do...

  5. I think blogger ate my comment . . . you may get two from me!

    Anyway. I was saying . . .

    I have never considered talking to someone in the waiting room. I'm all about people watching and trying to guess their stories, but actually strike up a conversation?!?! That's just crazy talk!!

  6. Oh goodness, last time I dragged my husband along to the waiting room we were in a silly mood and cracked jokes the whole time. NOT in whispers... Oh boy, I guess we broke the rules. Oh well.