And what a strange experience it was too! We were in L&D with all the other moms going in for c-sections... They must have wondered what heck were we doing there? Especially when we didn't come out of the OR with a baby.
It was all pretty intense emotionally, but surprisingly not too bad physically. I'd never had an epidural (just Demerol when I delivered the girls) and so I was pretty good & freaked out about it. It certainly wasn't fun...but it also didn't suck quite as much as I thought it would. It was totally weird to feel things that you know should hurt, but that didn't. I actually think that the worst part of it all is right now with this nasty medicine they gave me that is making me insanely nauseous. Yuck. That and the bleeding. I know there should be bleeding as the cervix has blood flow, but it is still disconcerting to see.
The emotions came into play because I had to talk about by history... Many many times. In a setting that reminded me of the worst part of my pregnancy with the girls. Plus, while I'm glad to be doing something proactive to save these little ones, it's also a little bittersweet... Could things have gone differently last time if I'd only known then what I know now?? I know that's a terrible road to walk down, and I do try really hard not to think like that. But sometimes those thoughts sneak in.
We go back in two weeks, and I'm hopeful that we'll be able to find out the genders at that point! Until then, I'm using my little Doppler for reassurance that all is well inside. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm starting to feel the little 'flutters' of movement now. That's pretty damn awesome too.
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