Other people

My sister asked what it is that I'd like her to do or say to make this pain and anger and sadness easier to bear. I know she'd love to be able to wave a magic wand and make it all right. Hell, I'd love it if she could do that too!

I really appreciate when other people ask, but unfortunately it also means that I have to answer. And really, there is no good answer. At first, I tried asking for what I needed that day. Sometimes it was to listen, other times to leave me alone, still others to ignore it and pretend life was normal. This was all great while I was in that moment, but the problem arose when I left that moment and they were still doing what I had asked of them. Then I was left feeling hurt and upset that they didn't understand... What I need shifts daily, or even hourly.

So now I just tell people, I don't know. It's true, I don't. And I value our friendship too much to tell you to do something that if you listen and do it, it will cause a rift. So now I tell people to do what feels right to them, with the caveat that I will tell them if it sucks for me.

Example, we all know that past sunday wasn't an easy day for most of us. If you had asked me as a friend, I would have said, please, don't talk to me about it. However, yesterday, I was catching up with a fellow teacher and she remarked that she had been thinking of me on Sunday. That's it, nothing big or gushy, but it touched me. She followed her heart, and it was the perfect thing to say.

I guess the bottom line is that I need to trust my friends. After all, they are my friends for a reason. Perhaps they'll know, better than I do, what it is I need.