Sunday, June 6, 2010

Everything is fabulous

I've been meaning to write up this post about the twins and the birth for about 6 weeks now, but I had decision to make first (more on that later).

So the delivery went very smoothly. We did have to wait around a bit so our family got all antsy without hearing any news, but everything else went very well. Babies were both healthy and happy and (in my eyes) absolutely gorgeous. Our hospital stay was wonderful. Everyone was so kind and helpful and lovely to us. C-sections are no joke for the next couple of days, but my wonderful hubby took care of everything possible so I could recoup. Seriously, I didn't change a diaper for three days!! He's absolutely amazing.

Our only real hiccups were that I developed into quite the medical photo op freak complete with THREE separate rashes and thought I'd rather like to pull off all my skin and start anew. (I got PUPPS before delivery, an almost chemical burn like rash from the sheets at the hospital, and then my skin freaked out at home with some reaction to lotion or shower gel. I really was hideous and itchy.) Also a hiccup, little girl had some issues latching on and sucking at first. Thankfully a lactation consultant at the hospital got her straightened out by teaching Eric how to finger feed.

As for feeding now, I don't want to brag, but I'm feeling pretty good about my accomplishments. I'm able to tandem feed (it's easier with help, but I've been able to do it alone too!) and we've got them on a 3 hr schedule during the day and two 4 to 5 hr stretches at night. We supplement with about an ounce or two of formula right before bed to try for a longer stretch of sleep. Sometimes it works really well, sometimes it doesn't... But it's still a work in progress!

So, as to my decision... I've come to realize that I can't really keep up with two blogs. See I also have my photoblog (which fell by the wayside this past year) where I post using my real identity and name. I was hesitant to link to that because I cherish my anonymity here... But then I realized that I'm not shy about my story IRL, why should I be here online? So, this will probably be my last posting here, but if you're so inclined, please join me over here at Drifty. Thank you to everyone who has provided the support I so desperately needed, and I'll be continuing to follow your stories as they unfold. Just instead of seeing 'M' as the commenter... You'll see my real name.

Hello, my name is Melissa, I'm an infertile who is lucky enough to be blessed with a wonderful husband Eric and two beautiful babies, Julia Marie and Nathaniel James.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Last Appointment

Yesterday I had my last doctor's appointment. Last ultrasound. What a totally strange feeling. It didn't really hit me until I was leaving... I'll probably never step foot in here again! While I'm perfectly okay with that, it's still an odd thought.

Little ones are still healthy and happy. Their growth has tapered off a bit, and we've dropped out of the 90th percentile into the low 80s. That's fine by me seeing as they are about 7 and 6 pounds. That's plenty big enough. My goal had only been 5 lbs each! They are both sitting straight up as uncomfortable as can be for me, headbutting me in the ribs. Of course this breech position means there is no discussion, but it will be a c-section for me. Again, I'm completely okay with that. I didn't really have a preference either way, just so long as everyone is healthy (and coming out the same way).

C-section means, of course, that I officially have a date... I think that April 28th at 12:30 is a nice time to be born, don't you?


Saturday, March 27, 2010

Time flies...

Where does the time go these days? You'd think I'd be bored out of my mind since I stopped working 5 weeks ago... But instead I find myself content to putter around the house, making small forays into the world to pick up yarn or face lotion or new towels (all actual errands from the past two weeks.)

I find that I actually have been spending less time on the computer now that I have all this free time. I'm still reading all my usual blogs, but it seems that everyone else is now reading them too. I feel silly posting a comment when I'm only echoing what 10 others have already said. But, just so you know, Bluebird-I'm thrilled for your wonderful new bundle of joy, Meg-Hooray on your successful cycle & your frozen potential, IFOptimist-I admire your strength and ability to keep surviving and thriving as each day brings you closer to your healthy girls!

As for me, I find myself in my 32 week! Can you believe it?? I've passed my GD test with flying colors (never thought that would happen as diabetes runs in my family) and everyone is healthy and happy. Well, mostly happy... I have to admit that carrying these enormous babies is starting to wear me down a bit. If only Little Boy would keep his legs out of my ribs... I'm worried that I'm either going to hurt him or break a rib trying to get comfortable!! It is pretty amazing that they are both growing so well still, both are above 90%! Last appointment (on Monday) Little Boy was 5lbs9oz and Little Girl was 4lbs6oz. I'm so close to my goal of both reaching 5 lbs by birth! (I'm actually a little nervous about how much more they might possibly grow...)

It's probably another month until I get to see them for the first time. We're almost completely ready (I'm sure I've forgotten a million things, but that's what online shopping is for!!) and I just can't wait. I'm so ready to have them and hold them and never sleep again... Haha... Come'on little ones, I'm ready for you!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Normal Worries?

So yesterday, while we were basking in the glow of our ultrasound, E turns to me and says... Oh my, I think I just got nervous about what's going to happen when these babies come home!

I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants. (Which is sadly not a difficult thing these days with the bladder not being what it once was...)

Here we are, entering the 3rd trimester... And we're both starting to realize that the light at the end of the tunnel is reachable. We've spent so long worrying about making this pregnancy last, that it's strange to lift up our heads and worry the normal worry oh, OMG WE'RE HAVING BABIES!

I love it.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


We're there! We made it! 24 weeks today! Happy Viability Day everyone!

I know if the larger sense this really doesn't mean much... but it was such a HUGE deal for me mentally. I don't want to have these babies anytime soon, but if I did... If I had to... There is a chance they'd make it now.

On the good side, it looks as though they will stay in cooking for quite some time. At my appointment yesterday, everything looked great. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, for something to go wrong, but (knock on wood) this pregnancy has been smooth sailing. Babies are both measuring above average, although I keep worrying that I'm not gaining enough weight. I've only added 18 pounds so far... But maybe I'm one of those fortunate people and the babies are actually taking the fat from my thighs. Wouldn't that be nice? I could stand to be a little fortunate :) Be the one that others are jealous of for a change!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Most Pregnant I've Ever Been

22 Weeks.

I've never been 22 weeks before.

I knew that I'd be emotional and that last week would be a challenge. But I don't think I was totally prepared for just how hard it was to pass my last milestone with the girls. Somehow it has brought the loss of them crashing down on me again. Everything I experience from here on out is something I never got to experience with Rebecca and Maria. I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much. There's a space so big in my heart that you could drive a truck through it.

I know Little Boy and Little Girl (which is how I think of them now) wouldn't exist if the girls had survived... And I can't really fathom that either. They are absolutely adorable, perfect in every way. I'm terrified that they too will be taken away before I really get to know them. Here's what I know about them so far: LB is a bruiser. Really. He's going to be enormous. He's the quieter of the two, but when he start moving, he doesn't stop for a long time. LG is funny and sarcastic. She plays around the ultrasound techs, waiting until they get all lined up then she quickly sprints away. She spends a lot of time kicking my bladder, I think she thinks she's being funny. However, when she's getting really rambunctious, all it takes is my husband's hand placed on my belly and she'll calm right down. She's already a daddy's little girl.

Two more weeks until viability. Two more weeks and the odds increase significantly that I will actually get to know Little Boy and Little Girl. To hold them. To tell them I love them. To have them hear it. To bring them home.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

18 Weeks

Sometimes I find myself disconnected from this whole process. It's like a look down and think damn, how'd I get so fat? Just for second, before it clicks in that I am actually pregnant again.

Sometimes I feel so guilty for not being invested every second of the this time. I feel like a terrible mom for not showering on these babies the attention I devoted to my girls.

Sometimes I feel awful and prickly because the most harmless comment will set me off. But, honestly, no, May will not be here before I know it. I will sweat out every damn minute until this babes are safe.

Sorry I've been gone for a bit. Just nothing much to share. I think mostly because I've kinda of put everything on mute about pregnancy for a bit. I'll turn the volume back up at 24, 26, or 28 weeks. I just have to make it that far.

We are entering the Danger Zone. (How bad that I have that song from Top Gun in my head right now??) This time between showing and having something to show for it. I've walked this path, I've been 18 weeks, and I still have a silent house. Empty arms. Broken heart. How did I convince myself it can end differently? But it must. It just has to. I know more. I've taken more precautions. I'm more careful. It must be different this time.

For all that I'm disconnected... I do already love these children so much. My beautiful babies. My perfect little girl and boy who for right now are healthy and happy and growing strong inside me. I promise I'll do everything in my power to keep it that way for you both.