Delusions

It's been four days since the transfer. Yesterday I experienced some horrible cramping, just like the first day of AF. I know that cramping can be a good sign, or it can be a bad sign. Really I'm just trying to ignore it all... Looking too hard for signs can make you crazy. What's interesting to me is that I've managed to forget about it from time to time. I mean, really forget about it. I actually had a beer out of the fridge before I realized that I couldn't drink it. A friend in the know asked how I was today, and I didn't realize she was asking about IF stuff until she clarified.

What is that all about? Am I just deluding myself into 'forgetting' so that on the 8th I can be like 'What? A pregnancy test? Me?'

I've also been doing a good job deluding myself about my job situation. They are cutting at least 10% of the school system's budget. I'm right on the borderline there... It really could go either way. I have professional status (basically tenure) but with only 4 contract years I'm still low man on totem pole. I could easily get bumped for someone with seniority. Again, though, even though the rumours are flying at school, I'm closing my ears and floating above it. It's not like there is a thing I can do to prevent it from happening if it is going to. Which is really just the reverse of what I'm thinking in regards to potential pregnancy.

It is what it is. It will be as it will be. It is no longer in my hands.