Sunday, April 19, 2009

Two Years Ago...

Two years ago, DH & I were flying off to Jamaca for vacation. We had two goals: 1) finalize our scuba certification and 2) celebrate the start of TTC. It was a great vacation. We dove, relaxed, ate a lot food, read books about pregnacy, and mostly dreamt about the coming years and how they would change our lives.

Now I can't believe that was only two years ago. We conceived quickly for an IF couple, just barely under a year. Yes it was a struggle, but I was determined tht it wasn't going to break me. The loss however, did. I look back and barely recognize that girl from two years ago. Her excitement, naitivite, innocence... How could that have been me?

We don't look any different on the outside... and I yet I can barely recognize my old self.

If IF has taught me nothing else, it has definitely brought understanding to the adage, you can't judge a book by its cover. Just because you can't see the cracks and the hurts, it doesn't mean they don't exist.


  1. I'm here from LFCA. I wish I was not welcoming you to this blogosphere, but you are here so I will welcome you. I am sorry for all that you've been through, especially the loss of your girls. I lost my son, Myles, at 26 days of age, so I know the pain that you face daily. This pain coupled with a long struggle with infertility can be unbearable at times. I hope that you find some peace, comfort, and understanding among us infertiles and babyloss mamas. ((HUGS))

  2. Welcome to the club none of us wish we were members of but could now not live without. Hopefully you will find great support here.

    [Here from LFCA]

  3. Just wanted to let you know that my heart is going out to you, and a big welcome to you. I can't tell you how much support I have received through writing a blog. It's an amazing community.

  4. So true. Looking back, it's sometimes hard to recognize myself.