Thursday, April 16, 2009


It's interesting how all day I deal with students who complain about things, and I tell them "Well, life isn't fair." Then I turn around and whine to my husband about how things are so easy for other people and why can't we get pregnant at the drop of a hat? Of course, he says it a bit nicer, but the gist is the same - life is not fair.

You would think by now I've been able to adjust my thinking to accomodate that fact.

I haven't.

It's not just about my life being unfair either. I'm horribly depressed about some news I received on my forums today. This absolutely amazing women who has supported me in dealing with my loss (she experienced something simliar) and kept me grounded during my crazy times, she posted today that she lost her little one (IVF with DE) today at 11 weeks. No heartbeat. My first reaction was -- how can that be? It's so not fair!! She doesn't deserve this heartache! Then I wept for her and the pain that she must be feeling.

The truth is that none of us 'deserve' this fate of IF that has been handed to us. I wish I would stop railing at life for being unfair and just accept that it is. Bad things happen to good people...all the time. My latest saying has been "It is what it is" meaning just accept reality and move on from the things you can't change. As often as I say it, it doesn't make me feel better.

I'd like to live in a world where people actually got what they deserved.

A world where life is fair.

I guess I'm not ready to give up hoping for that world... As if hoping hard enough will bring it into existence. Like clapping for Tinkerbell. I believe, I believe.

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