The Most Pregnant I've Ever Been

22 Weeks.

I've never been 22 weeks before.

I knew that I'd be emotional and that last week would be a challenge. But I don't think I was totally prepared for just how hard it was to pass my last milestone with the girls. Somehow it has brought the loss of them crashing down on me again. Everything I experience from here on out is something I never got to experience with Rebecca and Maria. I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much. There's a space so big in my heart that you could drive a truck through it.

I know Little Boy and Little Girl (which is how I think of them now) wouldn't exist if the girls had survived... And I can't really fathom that either. They are absolutely adorable, perfect in every way. I'm terrified that they too will be taken away before I really get to know them. Here's what I know about them so far: LB is a bruiser. Really. He's going to be enormous. He's the quieter of the two, but when he start moving, he doesn't stop for a long time. LG is funny and sarcastic. She plays around the ultrasound techs, waiting until they get all lined up then she quickly sprints away. She spends a lot of time kicking my bladder, I think she thinks she's being funny. However, when she's getting really rambunctious, all it takes is my husband's hand placed on my belly and she'll calm right down. She's already a daddy's little girl.

Two more weeks until viability. Two more weeks and the odds increase significantly that I will actually get to know Little Boy and Little Girl. To hold them. To tell them I love them. To have them hear it. To bring them home.