Wednesday, January 27, 2010


We're there! We made it! 24 weeks today! Happy Viability Day everyone!

I know if the larger sense this really doesn't mean much... but it was such a HUGE deal for me mentally. I don't want to have these babies anytime soon, but if I did... If I had to... There is a chance they'd make it now.

On the good side, it looks as though they will stay in cooking for quite some time. At my appointment yesterday, everything looked great. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, for something to go wrong, but (knock on wood) this pregnancy has been smooth sailing. Babies are both measuring above average, although I keep worrying that I'm not gaining enough weight. I've only added 18 pounds so far... But maybe I'm one of those fortunate people and the babies are actually taking the fat from my thighs. Wouldn't that be nice? I could stand to be a little fortunate :) Be the one that others are jealous of for a change!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Most Pregnant I've Ever Been

22 Weeks.

I've never been 22 weeks before.

I knew that I'd be emotional and that last week would be a challenge. But I don't think I was totally prepared for just how hard it was to pass my last milestone with the girls. Somehow it has brought the loss of them crashing down on me again. Everything I experience from here on out is something I never got to experience with Rebecca and Maria. I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much. There's a space so big in my heart that you could drive a truck through it.

I know Little Boy and Little Girl (which is how I think of them now) wouldn't exist if the girls had survived... And I can't really fathom that either. They are absolutely adorable, perfect in every way. I'm terrified that they too will be taken away before I really get to know them. Here's what I know about them so far: LB is a bruiser. Really. He's going to be enormous. He's the quieter of the two, but when he start moving, he doesn't stop for a long time. LG is funny and sarcastic. She plays around the ultrasound techs, waiting until they get all lined up then she quickly sprints away. She spends a lot of time kicking my bladder, I think she thinks she's being funny. However, when she's getting really rambunctious, all it takes is my husband's hand placed on my belly and she'll calm right down. She's already a daddy's little girl.

Two more weeks until viability. Two more weeks and the odds increase significantly that I will actually get to know Little Boy and Little Girl. To hold them. To tell them I love them. To have them hear it. To bring them home.